GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
