She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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