batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I could make wine with my vomit
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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