I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
