At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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