She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize