she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
