just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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