I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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