Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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