i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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