Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
