lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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