My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
