escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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