You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You're like the curious george of whores
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
