He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
