Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
