i need an iv and a liver transplant
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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