redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
