I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
