Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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