if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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