but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize