Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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