Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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