I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
