Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
