On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize