Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
