so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
