You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
