Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
is wine microwaveable?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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