it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
