So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize