Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
