Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
