I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
