I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize