so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
