I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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