I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
