just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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