evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
