i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize