I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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