three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
