I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
