I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
