i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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