If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
