In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
