Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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