Can Purell be used as lube?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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