There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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