you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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