i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
