She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
