this beer tastes like vomit already
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I need moral support for this bender
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
