I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
