Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
