You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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