24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
