anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
