i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
