you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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