a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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