I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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