Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
