I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
