Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
