I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
