There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
