Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
