If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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