i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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