There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
