we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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