I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize