i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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