My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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