so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
