shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
