ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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