he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
