You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize