I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
