you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
