gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
