i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
