my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
