Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
