last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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