I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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