By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
