well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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