he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
