youre lurking in front of me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
